Okay, this blog writing thing is very intimidating. I’m used to holding my tongue and sitting on my hands. I’m out of practice at speaking my mind. I’m timid, but I’m also intimidated.
You bloggers out there are really good at expressing yourselves. Thanks for being there. I’ve been scouring your words for comfort. You’ve carried me through some tough soul searching months. I hope you know that you’re helping people like me transition from the firm, solid, safe ground of supporting the brethren to the shifting sands where the waves crash all around changing the surface on which I walk.
The wise man builds his house upon a rock and the rains come down and his house stands firm. I don’t know where women are supposed to build their houses. Maybe they’re not supposed to have houses without a man. I don’t want to live like that any more. I don’t want to be embarrassed about or ashamed of my womanhood any more. I want to be loved and appreciated for being me, a woman, with or without a man, where my womanhood is as privileged as his manhood.
I want to walk away from the large and spacious, spired houses they built on the rocks. I want to venture out onto the beach and feel the sand between my toes and thank the Goddess whose hand I see all around me. I want to recognize her in the cool water that washes my world worn feet and soothes my aching soul. I want to find the beauty in the crashing waves and listen for her voice. I want to feel her power in the wind and pounding rain. I want to be renewed when the sun comes out and the light opens me up searching for further light and knowledge, spreading my arms, longing to fly to where she is.
Where are you Mother? Are you there?
In my first post as Hyrum’s Daughter, I am grateful, grateful like you are for trials because they make you stronger. Like a butterfly or moth slowly and painfully emerging from a chrysalis, I am grateful to be on the brighter side of the cocoon. I have spent a good part of the past year depressed. The kind of depression that makes your family tell you counseling and medication are in order because you’re effecting their lives negatively. Depression is a topic for future posts when clarity might help someone else emerge from their chrysalis. But today is for gratitude.
Thank You Boyd Packer Et Al
First place on my gratitude list goes to the current general authorities of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (aka the Mormon hierarchy) for excommunicating Kate Kelly. To say I think it was a mistake is heinously understated. But I am grateful they revealed their true colors and proved that my devotion to them since September 1993 has also been futile. I now know that holding my tongue and sitting on my hands in deference to their authority and hoping that patience and confidence and faith in them would bring change was very wrong on my part. Because I see this so clearly now, the pain and sorrow and guilt I have felt as a Mormon feminist for the past 20 years are now gone. And without them I find freedom, freedom to speak and write as my conscience dictates. That is one huge unburdening. And dear brethren to whom I have been submissive, trusting, loyal, hopeful, and sustaining, you have motivated me to convince other Mormon women everywhere to take up the banner of equality. Thank you.
Thank You Valerie Hudson PhD
Second prize goes to Valerie Hudson for choosing to ignore the fact that other Mormon women have been excommunicated for talking about Mother in Heaven. Apparently Mormon feminists can now talk and write and publish about Mother in Heaven without fear, so I’m claiming that little corner of ground as progress made over the last 20 years. Because you haven’t been excommunicated, Valerie, I believe you have marked progress. But I am not including in this prize your assertion that because Mother in Heaven is a central Mormon doctrine Mormon women are equal. That idea is just false. You have motivated me to stand on the virtual wall of the bloggernacle and shout the inequities so loud that Mormon women everywhere will eventually claim their rightful position in a kingdom of priests. For that motivation, thank you Valerie.
Thank You Neylan McBaine
Third place goes to Neylan McBaine for pointing out we feminists of the 1970’s era are far behind in our work. Make the budgets for girls’ activity days equal to the budgets of the Boy Scouts programs? Really? We should be doubling the young women’s budgets to make up for the losses of the past! We should be compensating in every way possible for the miserable way we’ve cheated the young women by giving preference to Priesthood programs. I am embarrassed as a Young Women’s leader in the Mormon community by Neylan McBaine’s list! This list should be a list of requirements, a list of demands without which our young women’s programs don’t function. You have motivated me to become an activist, Neylan McBaine. Thank you.
I am Hyrum’s Daughter. Here is my blog.